Hi Alyona,

do you think it is possible to talk to the father of your son?
Tell him, even if you leave the town, he can visit his son as much as he wants to.
Is it possible, one week you take the child to his father and one week, the father picks him up at your place?
Who has got the .....ääähmmm...jaaaa...wie heißt das englische Wort für ..."Sorgerecht" (?) :redhead:

Taccina

Hi, Tachina, and Danke schön for your reply.

i talk to my father´s son almost daily and of course he knows he has unlimited access to his son and can come see him and have him every second weekend at least. His argument is, one hour drive is too far and to see him every second weekend is not enough and in general he does not want another man to be living with his son. But I can´t vow to stay celibate fopr the rest of my life!! I want a normal family!!

Right now our agreement is that my son´s father picks our son up from the kindergarten twice or once a week, for no more than 2 hours at a time (and not because of me! my ex does not want to have our son around for longer than 2 hours at a time because he is busy!), and he takes our son to his place for one night a week. If and when I move, the only change is that it won´t be convenient for him to pick our son up from the kindergarten during the week but then he can have him the whole weekend every second weekend and of course come see him anytime - an arrangement that he does not want! He does not want to have our son for longer than 2 - 3 hours at a time, if I don´t count nights, because apparently the night means he only has to put our son to bed!

Sorgerecht - technically, I have a sole custody because we have never been married and my son is living with me, I am the main caregiver. We never had any official Sorgerecht agreement, but we agree that our son should have a chance to have his daddy in his life as much as possible. Does this mean I have no chance to try and re-build my own life? Am I really being too selfish? This whole situation makes me feel so miserable...Please understand, I want the best for my son, and I want him to have his daddy in his life but does it mean I have no moral or legal right to re-marry or move in with another partner until my son is 18?

Sad and confused.

Ahhh, sorry I got your name wrong!!! My apologies, Taccina!!!

"Sorgerecht" - "custody".

and thanks again!!

HI Alyona,

i don`t think that one hour to drive ist to much. Do you know how many kilometers it is?

You found a new man. He loves you. So what? It is just 1 hour....
For many Daddys here it takes 3-6hours to get to their kids.

I can understand, he wants his son arround him, but he needs to understand, it is still your live.
Maybe he doesn`t accept , there is a new man in your live.
Maybe he is afraid, your son will see the new man as Daddy.

Please call the "Jugendamt" tommorrow and ask, if he can get you in trouble. But i don`t think so.

If you never made something because of Sorgerecht- custody, both of you has git half of it.

Taccina

[Editiert am 11/4/2005 von Taccina]

Hi alyona,

My English is probably as bad as your German. 😉

Of course you can move. The german law will do nothing unless the father asks them. Problem is, your move will establish a far distance between father an child. In the past he could see him everytime he or the child wanted. If he did so or not is not important.

Your move to your new love is important for you and nobody will or could ever hold you back.

You have the sole custody as you wrote. So you are the only responsible person for your son. Don't be afraid, the father could take him away. There have to be hard reasons (i.e. child abuse; psychologically or physically). And as I can read your words here in the forum, you're in my opinion a good and care taking mother.

Quintessential point is the father thinks he's loosing his child.

Talk to the father. I think he's hurt and afraid of loosing his son. Make him the offer: Mutually you and he drive the weeksends. A handling agreement (Umgangsvereinbarung) is important for both sides. You can write it down with him by youth welfare office (Jugendamt). Don't hesitate to ask them for it.

And of course you can marry whoever and as many times you want (after divorce 🙂 ). The father of your son is the father, nothing more to yourself. And he can't prevent it.

Another question: You're living in germany. What language(s) are your daughter and son speaking and learning. I don't mean it's a disadvantage that you're mostly talking your native language and additionally english. Are you learning german too? This will help you children to get faster integrated and accepted by other children. Oh, I'm a fool, I know you know that.

Whenever you have a question come here to the forum. You're always welcome.

DeepThought
*altavista-translation, I love you*

[Editiert am 11/4/2005 von DeepThought]

Thank You, Deep Thought:) and your English seems to be far better than my German:) Speaking of which - both children of mine speak perfect German. My daughter is trilinguial (Russian, English and German) and is top of her class in the gymnasium in German:) and my son speaks both languages (German and Russian) since birth, no problem. It is just me!:) i can speak German when absolutely necessary but I don´t use it, as my job only requires perfect English and Russian. I know, it´s a bad excuse that I never planned or wanted to live in Germany (when I met the father of my son, he promised we would live in canada:) well, if you want to make gods laugh, tell them about your plans...:)

Anyways. I know and I understand that my ex-partner (btw. I don´t need a divorce as he never married me, after 6 years he is still officially married to a canadian) is afraid of losing his son - a groundless fear, I must say, as he only has to make a BIT more effort to see him...Surely I will offer that I will bring our son to see him every second weekend, and anyway, I am not moving suddenly or soon, it´s just that in the end I will want to live a normal life, in a new family. It is inevitable that my new partner will spend more time with my son than his father, what can I do about it? why then does he keep telling me that no court will let me move out of Mönchengladbach to, say, Cologne (I don´t know how big the distance is, but it is no more than one hour driving or going by train), because that will hurt the interests of the child? I don´t know German law, is it really so? or that the court will rule that our son will live with him - and it does not matter that he never has time for him, so he plans that his new girlfriend will be taking care?? why does he try to convince me that I have to think about our son and therefore not change my (and his) life until he grows up? We talk and talk and I can not get through to him (well, I would be still living with him if we could communicate normally).

sorry for rambling, though...and thanks for your feedback, again.

Btw, I have been to the Jugendamt and they told me the same, that I can move and advised to come with him - when I mentioned it to my ex he got furious and said that someone in Jugendamt is not an authority figure for him and that he knows the German law better and that he is right and I am wrong (well, that´s nothing new:)

Good night to all...

Alyona

You have the sole custody as you wrote. So you are the only responsible person for your son. Don't be afraid, the father could take him away.

Hi Deep,

äähhmm.. mein english ist zwar auch nicht das Beste (um nicht zu sagen miserabel), aber da sie nie was offizelles gemacht haben, haben sie dann nicht automatisch GSR?

Liebe Grüße Taccina

Good morning Taccina,

Correctly, that father is married. But with another woman, not with alyona. Thus she's the mother of a not conjugal child and has automatically the sole custody.

Kind regards

DeepThought
*translations? goto altavista :)*

na mit dem englisch lesen klappt es ganz gut...sprechen geht auch , wenn ich Hände und Füße dazu nehme.... (vielleicht sollte ich in Form von Strichmännchen antworten...*lach* 😀 )

Aber zurück zum Thema:

Hab zwar gelesen das der Vater noch mit einer anderen Frau verheiratet ist, aber wußte nicht, das sie dann automatisch das alleinige Sorgerecht hat..

Man lernt eben nie aus...

Thanks 😉

Taccina

Hi Taccina,

es ist immer noch so, dass eine ledige Mutter das alleinige Sorgerecht hat. Für das gemeinsame müssen beide eine Sorgerechtserklärung beim JA hinterlegen.

LG
Biga

die so wenig englisch kann, dass selbst der obige Text nicht geht.

HI Biga,

aaaaaha, also ich glaube in der Sache GSR und ASR werde ich wohl nie durchblicken... :redhead:

Liebe grüße Taccina

A HUGE dankeschön to everyone! Yes, in the Jugendamt they told me that in principle I have sole custody, because we were not married, but if any dispute has to go to court, the court will rule in the interests of the child, regardless of whether or not it is joint or sole custody. they also told me that I can certainly move, as the distance is not so dramatic! I am not moving with my son to, say, Siberia, without his father´s permission! and I am sure we can find a compromise...

once again thanks to all!!

Alyona